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Smilin' Jack drove along the country road with the windows down, savoring the ride. The sun was
shining, the birds were chirping, and it was a perfect summer day. The two-lane
road rose and fell in gentle waves, while field after field of chest-high corn stalks stretched out to the horizon.
Folks say that he was called Smilin' Jack, because he always smiled, no matter what. He might be happy, he might be
sad, it made no difference. Heck, he couldn't help himself. Some folk say that people aren't that much in control of what
they do. And Jack, well, he was a mite less in control of himself than most people.
- Excerpt from "Femm Fatale"
Jeez, if it wasn't for a guy name of Big Julie, I never would've laid eyes on that screwy Elizabeth
Femm. I had been making a good living on Broadway, selling liquid
refreshment to them that wanted it 'cause, Prohibition or no, everyone needed
something to settle the dust. Then Big Julie said to me, after he caught me with his girl Nell, "Mike, if I ever see you again,
you ain't going to be seen again."
So I decided to take a vacation. But seeing as Big Julie had friends up and down the Coast, this time my
vacation had to be outta the country. Which was how I got to England.
Now, a gentleman of the street such as myself would not
normally hobnob with folks what eat the eggs of quails and take vacations in France. But a shyster put me wise to Roger
Penderel, who had been in the War and never got over it. So that while he was nice enough when he was sober, that didn't happen
often. He needed someone to make sure he didn't overdo things. That was me.
- Excerpt from "PREEMPTIVE STRIKE"
"Ask The Professor" has received many letters from people asking what has happened to the Strategic
Defense Initiative system, which has receive little coverage in the past
decade. So in response to M. Kerwin Blot of Oshkosh, Fannie Wazzoo of Reno, Timmy Smegma of Miami, and many others, we bring
you this update.
As with all innovations, the success of SDI or "Star Wars" might have led to its obsolescence. There had been the
fear that a credible missile defense would paradoxically trigger attacks; the fear was that hostile nuclear powers would strike
before their weapons became worthless. However, this fear proved groundless. Instead, enemies of the United States turned to
smuggling nuclear weapons onto unguarded coastline, which resulted in the loss of Bayonne. The Coast Guard fought back
with uranium-sniffing dogs. Subsequently, these same powers shifted to biological warfare (at a considerable savings to
them), leading to the devastation of Hoboken. Hoboken should be out of quarantine in a month, so the only lasting results have
been PETA protests over canine sinus carcinomas, and even longer lines at the Canadian borders.
The excerpts from these stories are Copyright Arthur Dorrance and
are reprinted here with permission.
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